Dear God No! Movie Review
Ever since Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez unsuccessfully tried to relive their grimy, grindhouse days with their highly entertaining, double feature failure: “Grindhouse,” some directors have tried to keep the B movie train sputtering along with a few more high budget, low quality grindhouse flicks like “Hobo with a Shotgun” and “Machete.” But what happens when you get a low budget, low quality grindhouse movie that tries excessively harder than usual to capture that filthy spirit of sex, slaying and sadism? You get “Dear God No!” which is sadly, very appropriately titled…for reasons you hopefully may never find out about. This is after all a grindhouse movie; so naturally, revolting imagery, twisted sexual content and absurd gore and goofiness is to be expected. But just how much B grade can you stomach before you start running to the toilet to dump out your vomit bag, or in my case, the movie itself?
Were about to find out. A vicious gang of infamous killers and rapists known as “The Impalers” duked it out with fellow gang “Satan’s Own”, in a bloody battled that forced both sides surviving members to take refuge at a cabin in the North Georgia mountains. No one is safe however, as a group of innocent girls, a mixed bag of murderous bikers and a blood thirsty monster are colliding and causing the greatest blood soaked battle for survival that anyone of them has or will ever know. The best way I could describe this movie in one sentence, if I had to, would be to make a correction to my previous statement: this isn’t a B grade movie this is an F MINUS grade movie at BEST. I get that grindhouse movies are supposed to be grimy, filthy, messed up blood baths that flash nudity and nuttiness like it’s a bad zombie porno. But even from a satirical point of view, there’s just too much repulsive filth in here that no amount of laughing or satirical lenses that will ever strip the black coating of this film’s horrible heart.
Just because it’s supposed to be campy, B movie material, doesn’t excuse all the god awful acting and writing in here. Everyone acts like swearing and enough blood splatters will be enough to satiate the blood lusting minds that are watching this sickening slop, there’s far too much reliance on the films absurdity to make up the film’s entertainment; but that can only go so far. Following a “gimmick” like the grindhouse angle is a trail that few walk, but far more get lost on because they try so hard to get the grunge of that era right in a modern day film. But what is grunge? How do you make a movie that’s so delightfully dated without making it just plain rotten? Clearly the director of “Dear God No!” does not know the difference.
I can’t even see the so-called “grindhouse” fun because too much of the movie is blocked by breast shot after breast shot; this movie would only be 15 minutes long if you took out all the topless imagery. But the countless topless women in this film don’t even begin to scratch the surface of the nauseatingly improper treatment of females in this film. Women are routinely raped, beaten, murdered and trotted out like cattle; just waiting to verbally, physically, mentally and sexually assaulted for majority of the film’s running time. Whether you’re a man or a woman, watching this film will give you a newfound loathing for those who treatment like second class citizens; based on the treatment of women in this film alone. This isn’t good, this isn’t even so-bad-it’s-good; it’s just grotesquely bad-bad. There’s no mindless fun here, just lots of boobs and lots of flashy gore shots to make you feel mindless for pushing play on your remote control.
“Dear God No!” is an assaulting insult that is disgusting and disrespects anyone who is unfortunate enough to watch this. I don’t recommend this, not even if you’re drunk or high or morbidly curious; it’s just not worth a second of your time.
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